I feel like my life is quickly changing. The commencement ceremony is pretty much right around the corner, and with it, graduation and the “real world”. So many of my classmates are ready to go, at full speed, looking to the future that lies in front of them. They already know where they’re going with their lives: doctor, optometrist, nurse, teacher, clinical lab scientist, businessman, nutritionist, etc. I still don’t know where exactly I’m going. Initially, I though that I was destined for pharmacy school, that I would get my bachelor’s degree, and then be a pharmacist. Now that I’ve taken more classes and learned more about myself, I don’t really think that I belong there. I hate organic chemistry and structure, and I’m not interested in kinetics or inhibitors. I know that once you’re done with pharmacy school, the information you really need to know is about the medications. Yet, I don’t want to be stuck in school for 4 years, studying something that I don’t really find any interest in.
On the other hand, I have other friends that I like to spend time with a lot. I really think that time flies by when we hang out. I finally feel like I’m part of something. At the same time, I worry about it lasting, or essentially, not lasting. One is going to grad school in Chicago. Another is off to art school in San Francisco. Someone else is off to Las Vegas in a year to study culinary school. I constantly have this feeling that I’m being left behind, that I have all my contemporaries pursuing their dreams, going out into the world and doing something with their lives. I don’t want it to end.
Today I watched that movie “Men Who Stare at Goats”, and I think it was trying to tell me something. Sometimes we don’t really know where we’re going, or what exactly we’re destined to do or become. Life gives us little clues, and it’s up to us to interpret those clues and get on the right path. I like to think that we’re all part of something bigger. Like the movie, I always felt that I was different, that I didn’t exactly fit in with the people around me for some reason. I know that it’s childish and foolish to think that you have superpowers, or you’re particularly gifted in some way, but I just don’t know… I need to know what life has in store for me.
